I recently came across a clip of Keke Palmer being interviewed on The Breakfast Club. In the 30-second clip she speaks about being single and how much she enjoys it as she uses that time to learn about herself and to learn to love herself. She goes on to mention that if one goes into a relationship uncertain of oneself, you run the risk of relying on the person you’re with to give you happiness or validation, which is unhealthy. The person you are with should be an addition to your life, not your crutch (more on this later). First of all, check out the 30 second clip below:
See what all the chatter is about - watch a clip of Keke Palmer's interview at The Breakfast Club on Power 105.1 FM here! Full interview: https://youtu.be/5XOY-F51VVAPosted by Keke Palmer on Thursday, May 14, 2015
For the full interview, click here.
Being a young Nigerian woman and recently turning twenty-two, I am in the stage of my life where I am shaping myself into the woman I want to be - professionally and personally. Due to the experiences I have had the past couple of years I have learnt a lot about of myself. My likes and dislikes, how I handle myself in relationships both romantic and otherwise. What I expect from people in my life, how I react to conflict and pain, the list is endless. I don’t think figuring out who you are ever stops. You constantly evolve throughout life with the experiences you have, the people you come into contact with etc. Figuring out who you are and learning to love who you are wholly and completely is important. In turn, you are better able to successfully handle the relationships you develop and positively affect those that come in contact with you.
I am going to break down loving yourself into three categories: loving your strengths, loving your weaknesses and then knowing your worth.
Loving Your Strengths:
Over the years, I have figured out what my greatest asset is – no matter what I do or what I get involved in I give a 100% of myself. As a result, I have excelled in school, various projects, developing certain relationships. This does not mean that there haven’t been bumps in the road. What it means is that I learned from each experience and used that to make me better. Apart from my dedication, I have learnt to limit the amount of projects I am involved in, as I cannot realistically give each project 100% of my time and effort. Creatively speaking, my journey has certainly focused me on knowing exactly what creative aspects of myself I want to develop.
By way of example, I have had numerous blogs over the years. My first was on Tumblr, and I pretty much put everything on there, pictures, poems, articles, reblogs of all sorts of media. Hating how cluttered everything was, I thought to start two new blogs. One would be focused on poetry and the other would be prose content. Loving my poetry journey and through the influence of being in Cornwall, I dabbled into spoken word poetry and from that I recorded audio clips of my work online and started an online podcast show. Realising that managing three full time blogs, with new content every week or so, became too much to handle, I had to rethink what I was doing, focus my efforts, rediscover what I wanted. Hence RealTalkWithGeorgie was born.
By realising what my strengths were and focusing it led to greater things. However, I would never change that roundabout creative journey I took and that I am still on. Because if I did change it, RealTalkWithGeorgie would not be what it is today, and there is so much more in store 😉! Whatever your strength(s) are hone them, fine tune them, love them, because essentially it is what makes you who you are.
Loving Your Weaknesses:
Weaknesses can take many forms depending on the person you are: insecurities, inferiority or superiority complexes, jealousy, anger, overly defensive, trust issues, controlling, pessimistic view on life, quick to judge, etc. Figuring out what they are is one of the bravest things you will ever do because you are being very honest with yourself. Once you figure out what your weaknesses are, you can work on them and try to change them, that in turn will make you a better person and you will be a huge benefit to whomever you come across.
Not to get too personal but I am the kind of person that deals with negative emotions maybe differently to some. Negative emotions e.g. severe crisis, loss of a loved one or heartbreak. Some people talk it out, hug it out, run away from it etc. I deal with issues like that differently. My mind and body go into survival mode. I make sure everyone around me is okay, think of a plan of action moving forward, making what arrangements need to be made. Emotionally, I sub-consciously lock the pain or grief to some place at the back of my mind because my mind knows that I do not have the time to deal with it at that moment. So I do not break down, I do not curl into a ball and cry, I just do what needs to be done. Arguably, this could be a good thing, because you cannot have everyone in hysterics, or in full panic mode, because nothing will get done when it needs to.
However over the years I have realised this. Just because I have managed to somehow sub-consciously lock the pain away does not mean that it has gone away. It is still there and it manifests itself at some later point down the line. I have become more sensitive to that, so I listen in (metaphorically speaking) when I need some alone time to deal with it. Whether it is to pray, to cry my eyes out (most amazing physical relief), or talk to someone about it (which I do). The most important thing IS to deal with it, sooner better than later. The worst thing is to go into a relationship, any kind of relationship with baggage. All of us carry some form of baggage whether we like it or not, the important thing to realise what that baggage is and make strives to eradicate it.
Know Your Worth
Knowing your worth is one of the most important gifts you can give yourself, as it seeps into very aspect of your life. For a more extensive article on how it affects your romantic relationships, click here. Today however I am going to focus on how knowing your worth affects your professional and personal life generally.
Once you know your strengths and weakness you have a better idea of who you are and you know what you bring to the table. If you know you are a diligent, conscientious hard worker, who does what is expected of you, if there is any talk of promotion, by knowing your worth you will know how to sell yourself to your boss. In fact in some cases you might not need to. Your work will speak for you. How you handle yourself professionally becomes your reputation and if ever it is put into question there will be people present to vouch for you knowing who you are and how you operate.
In your personal life, because you know what you bring to the table, you know what you deserve from your relationship. If it is not working the way you want it to, and you have raised your concerns, and it seems like they are falling on deaf ears, you must know that you do not need that person in your life any longer.
Going back to Keke, what she said really hit home, because she was talking about how loving yourself feeds into your romantic relationships. By loving yourself so you know your worth, because you know your worth, you know what you bring to your relationship.
The person your dating, should value the person you are and if they don’t then you know it’s time to leave.
However, if you didn’t do the homework before hand and learned to love yourself, you might enter your relationship expecting validation, or relying on the other person's love to make you feel whole. How unhealthy is that? What if they abuse the love you have for them? Or they take you for granted and as the Americans say, “treat you any kind of way?” A person who knows their worth would have walked out of that unhealthy relationship a long time ago.
Take every experience you go through as a learning curve to do better, and in time you will be a better version of yourself - #Etoile 2.0!
Have a great rest of the week my #stars!