It is so easy to label women as the victim of the onslaught of men. What with movies showing how Boy A broke Girl A’s heart to get with Girl B and then after that realised he truly loves and misses Girl A *insert unimpressed face.*
To be fair, there have been a few movies, which show how men don’t always end up happy. Coming to mind now, there is Harry met Sally, where Harry’s wife whom he truly loved left him for a colleague, (poor guy). Definitely Maybe, where Will and his high school sweetheart’s relationship fell apart due to long distance and the fact she slept with his best friend. Best friend! He was faithful and devoted to her so it was so sad. The funny thing is that I didn’t even name that many movies, and it took me a long time to think of them. This is indicative of the fact that popular culture doesn’t really spin the story of the boy broken hearted.
This does not mean that men are not the victims of crazy and silly women, they are, but their stories don’t really have a voice. Partly because the main sex that watch romantic comedies are women, and there is the argument that movies to a certain extent are a projection of a persons’/race/class’ story. Therefore, production companies make more money telling the stories that we women, are familiar with. We can sympathise and most importantly emphathise with the characters on the screen.
Putting that argument aside, I have been blessed to have quite a few male friends in the diaspora “hey boys”, and trust me when I tell you that their collection of stories are “not cute”. What I am about to share with you is not necessarily their personal stories but merely a mélange of sorts between what they have gone through and what they and I have seen and heard.
There is one guy, lets call him Adé and he has been dating this girl for over a year, she tells him that she wants to remain sexually pure. He respects her wishes and doesn’t have sex with her or pressure her. Being celibate is something he does for her, although it is a battle, as he is deeply attracted to her. He finds out about two years into their relationship that for the past year she has been sleeping with another guy.
There is Abubakar, he really likes this girl and they have been casually seeing each other. He wants to take things further but unknown to him she has a boyfriend. She comes over to his place one day to hang out and as she was about leaving he asked her when next they would see, she just retorts ‘look this isn’t anything serious, so why are you disturbing me.’
Chidi has been actively pursuing this girl, he has taken her out on many dates, has complied with her every command: calling credit, days at the spa, dinner with her and her friends, a new phone... everything short of being her house boy (boys should never do this, and girls should never demand this). He finds out a few months in through a mutual friend, that she has been sleeping with his mutual friend and has four other boyfriends. In multiple jurisdictions!
Women can be cruel and harsh. I just gave very few examples, think about the women that verbally abuse their men and make them feel small, inadequate, especially if they contributed capital to their guy’s new venture. The women that beat their husbands (laugh, but I’ve heard stories), or the women that get pregnant by other men and pass it off as their husbands own child, or openly carry on relationships with sugar daddies and don’t care about their partners feelings.
Ladies, I am not saying that women don’t get their fair share from men. They do, we do. I would just urge both sexes to put aside their past pain, and treat one another with the respect we all rightfully deserve. Try not to allow your past affect the potential future you could have with a decent person.
Therefore, my female #stars, don’t be too harsh on our men, they have emotions too.